I have been told in no uncertain terms, through word and behavior, that I am less than. I have been asked to not speak and keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. I have been told that making conversation is why people avoid me. Quietness is not negativity; it is trying to keep things in control like tears, pain, anger, frustration and despair. Basically, there is an excuse for others’ callous attitudes and narrow thinking about mental illness.
My depression or anxiety (or any other mood disorder) is not an excuse for someone else’s bad behavior. That is the kind of ridicule, shame and stigma that prevents people from seeking and continuing help and medication. It is the kind of verbal abuse that sad and sensitive people believe in the world of fear that we tread.
People can see anything or anyone as negative, and if you think it is so, you will never be disappointed.
But we who masquerade, daily in public, are experts at keeping our cracks from showing. We smile and flatter as we dance and patter like an old Vaudeville actor.
I try not to hold on to the comments and negative thinking, but my brain obsesses and spins them around like the hamster trapped in her wheel.
If my self-esteem lies somewhere between loathing and non-existent, why do the things people do to me make my Ego so angry? Do you ever feel this way?