Things that make me weary

so tired

Sometimes things just seem calculated to wear us down………

The endless supply of bills……….

Medication not covered by insurance so another $600 went on the credit card that is maxed and no way to catch up….

People who seek out drama or a juicy story but do nothing to help when asked….

People who have an opportunity to say Thank You when someone does something for them, but don’t because they never had to before……

Fighting with my spouse about money………

Favoritism at work………

Power-Savory and Money-Hungry people………..there are real people with no power to help themselves and a tiny bit of the cost of that international vacation and first class seats could make a difference in a family’s life.

Fighting with the Tax Man to give them your money to keep from losing your home and them preferring to run it through mediation which causes more time, money, anxiety, and fear.

Frankly, I think we have enough fearful, anxiety and panic-driven, depressed, broke, and homeless people!

People that cannot get insurance coverage or are unable to work full time because of their disability…….

Seeing and hearing what happens to people being denied medical care….

Time limits that are not self-imposed for grief, rehab, loss, recovery….

and the clueless people who talk about “easy” ways one is supposed to keep going and “live each day as if it is your last.”

It makes me weary that some of the people who say live as each day is your last are not at risk for suicide and don’t fully understand those who are despondent, desperate and terrified.

Being told to be quiet……..then being presumed to be negative or aloof……

Doing someone a favor as they plead with you, and then, being told that a favor is “your choice” and that they did not ask for anything…….

Expecting people to grow up and get some respect for others and a willingness to learn or aid………

It makes me weary wanting to tell the truth to others who prefer dishonesty….

Asking someone who is specifically going to a store that you need something from and being told “You can get it yourself……”

Trying kindness and no one noticing…..

Would we be less weary if we did not have to argue, fight and scrabble for everything we have each day in trying to hold on to our homes. our families, our minds, and our souls?

What makes you weary?


Whose Grind is it Anyway?


What if the manipulators and mindsuckers used their power for good instead of aggravation and demeaning someone else? Why do some people with a modicum of authority believe that their control gives them the right to behave like unaccountable jerks? Who taught that being powerful means you have to belittle someone else?  That is not real power; anyone who has ever studied psychology would talk about their insecurities and lashing out as a childish manifestation rather than a responsible, adult behavior.  But we are in a world where we have to feed ourselves, keep a roof over our heads, pay for the doctors and medical care, so we put up with someone else’s mental deficiencies while they criticize ours.

For anyone who has ever had a depressive episode, or some other mental disability of any kind in their lifetime, we are circumspect and aware. Since one out of four of us has had this experience, why do the real sociopaths and egomaniacs get to treat us like we are only half as good?

What about the person who is so insecure that they have to be the smartest person in the room at the expense of including anyone who might be just as smart? Or the person who has to be so controlling and manipulative that they cannot share information out of fear and suspicion? Also, if someone’s only power is withholding information, kindness or inclusion, he has some pretty nifty unacknowledged issues of his own.

To me, those kinds of mental disabilities or failings, or lapses, are just as serious, if not more, than the ones we have been treated for.

We are willing to accept that while it has been very hard and painful, we are trying to heal. We take our meds, talk to our therapists, blog, paint, photograph, walk in nature…….all trying to find ways to take the depths of our brains and emotions and turn them into something that rings true for someone else. We are trying to do something positive and improve the situation for others as well as ourselves.

If we deny that we have struggled, then we try to act like the buffoons who don’t admit their own shortcomings.  They are not impressive enough to deserve my admiration. I want to respect the real powerful people in the world: those that are open, honest, truthful, direct, introspective, and willing to make a change.

To me, respect is earned by behavior, not by bank account. I am not impressed by the superficial.  I have spent too much time trying to understand the real needs in the world, and in my own head, to blindly accept the demands of a control freak.

But, the bad behavior does wear me down. It sucks the air out of the room, and me, like an old Hoover with a big dusty windbag and a hose.

Let’s clean up the mess and get down to the real dirt: how do you feel today?