I have had major depressive episodes. I took a unipolar antidepressant for 15 years. Then, I became manic on a unipolar antidepressant (Effexor). Instead of listening to my cries, my doctor continued to increase the dosage. He actually had the nerve to say to me “If you don’t stop crying, you will end up in a hospital.”
Well, to detox and get help from the damage that the b@stard created in my hypersensitive brain, I ultimately ended up checking myself into a hospital.
The hard part is remembering every single thing that occurred. I have not forgotten my experiences of the dangerous desperate lows and the bizarre sparkle dust of mania. It shames me and humiliates me.
The hard part was that it was not overnight and I have been reminded by coworkers and family. It was a nightmare and so horrifying that all these years later, trying to stay on meds and reading more books than a self-help section at the local book store, I cringe. People have had to leave jobs depending on the meltdown. Others, like myself, have had to deal with the look and treatment of the “crazy person” on the loose. It is hard enough to struggle mightily but having it rubbed in my face is excruciating.
Was your meltdown public and do people keep reminding you of their interpretation of it?