I have never been “too happy.” I have always been intense, too sensitive, too deep, too emotional……
In the depths of depression, making small goals sometimes seem like a big thing that sucks up your energy. Adding “change my sheets” or “shower” to my list of the day does not seem like much to most people, but for me takes a big push out of the lethargy and pervading fatigue.
I knew I really hit low when I realized how taking the wrapping off of the peanut butter cup took too long. There was certainly no cooking or healthy eating going on. I would have had to climb out of bed, go to the kitchen, stare at the fridge and freezer and make a decision. Then, after the complexity of making a decision, I would have to cook and prepare. So, back to bags of chocolate I go.
I can appreciate why some people think hypomania is awesome; it gives them an extra boost of rocket fuel but does not push them off into some orbit that they cannot return from.
For me, I get talkative and make jokes when I get nervous. In some social situations, people think I am the life of the party. However, inside, I am thinking how soon can I go home and get into my pajamas.
I am missing out on so much but everything just seems so involved and exhausting.
Have you ever felt such deep exhaustion, overpowering fatigue, and loss of energy and how did you accommodate it?