Sometimes, I think I am moving forward despite my diagnoses. Other times, like now, I feel like my world has gotten smaller and smaller.
I want to explain who I am and how I feel. I want to be understood. But stigma and fear, for myself and from others, means I have to carry a very big secret weight with me all the time.
Whether young or old, it is easy to blame what is wrong with my feelings or behavior, on the diagnosis. Other people think that they understand and try to placate me. But unless you have truly struggled from the depths of despair, you only believe what you read and make up the rest.
I realize that my anxieties and fears have gotten bigger and always seem to be in my way. I try to work around them and move forward, but sometimes, I cannot seem to get past them and avoid situations because of how I feel and experience.
Who am I to say what it — depression or bipolar or any other mood disorder — feels like for someone else? We, those with a mood disorder, are such a big group and yet I feel so alone with the burden among the happy people around me.
Have you ever felt that your diagnosis and feelings put so much distance between you and others that your world feels smaller?