Home » Depression » Wallowing in the Deep

Wallowing in the Deep

chaplin sad face

I am sad. I am naming it, feeling it, staring it smack in the face. But I still feel it and sometimes it sucks that I do and no one else understands why.  We can hide it, and most of us do, but it is still there.  People can look away or pretend it is not there. But when you hide it under the rug, it comes out in someone else’s genes and you have to face it and deal with it anyway.

I am trying to build support systems, therapy, medication, reading, and psychology.  But I am still sad at times, frustrated, feel sapped of energy.  But people who tell me to think happy thoughts, picture sunshine and flowers, look at silly cat photos or the other attempted mind manipulations are just pushing me to have to hide more.

This is what we do. Someone is sad or depressed and society says turn that frown upside down and float a balloon. What if I want to wallow? What if I need to wallow? What if I don’t want to have to pretend to be happy all the time? What if I don’t want to have to put a superficial smiley face on everything?

Which is healthier: admitting you are sad and being able to express it or trying to shove it down and away until you are out of sight?

I am judged badly because I tell the truth and express my emotions and feelings. But, it is ok to be devious and lie? To make yourself conquer and control to encourage me to hide? I might feel bad about myself but at least I am honest about the parts of me that I am trying to fix.  I want to feel better and don’t know all the ways to do that. Some people never feel at all or are only self-centered. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way and I know that others are fighting a battle that no one else can see.  Let us sad people be sad sometimes, but keep us from having to bottle it up and then try to escape in a more harmful or permanent way.

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2 thoughts on “Wallowing in the Deep

  1. Love your growth, honesty and insight. Keep it up. Ego is a hard thing for people to watch others lose as they become themselves. That’s what people judge: themselves. Continue to be who you are, deal with your feelings, wallow, and yes, you’ll scare some but what, and who, you attract will be so beautiful!

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